superrr_kaytiee's Journal

2:44pm: tumblr is the place to be!

5:33pm: pier 39
Can suck my fat weiner. Too many tourists man.






But other than that, life couldn't get any better.

:]


P.s. Kelli, hurry and move up here already!



P.p.s. Everyone come visit me, I'm friendsick :(

1:34pm: 11
11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days 11 more days



ksdhfkjdshfkjhfsf

9:25am: my friends
are the best thing to ever happen to me. I couldn't ask for any better ones. :]


































Those are just a few examples of how amazing we are, and how fun we live our life!

<333

5:11pm: GUILTYYYYYYYY

10:34pm: fall '09
I start school in San Francisco.


Journalism major<3





Goodbye old, hello new life!

2:53am: I want
To be a broadway star.


Im no longer hiding my singing voice. Im going to belt out for all to hear.


I want to be heard and admired.


You wait and see. Im going to do it!! I will.

2:21pm: death...
I've come to the realization that who I am today, the person sitting, eating, breathing, in my body, was shaped by death. I know that's an awful thing to say, but its the truth. I've lost more people in one year than I can count on one hand, and I'll be damned if I lose one more (please wake up B. I need you.)

Death changes you, in ways no one can understand unless they've been through it too.

I can no longer be in a car with a teenage driver without having a massive anxiety attack. Its horrible, it affects my life daily. Its a fear brought on by death, and it consumes me.

I dream about my angels almost every night. Its the hardest thing waking up from those dreams. Its so hard to go from having them there, so realistic, to waking up in a cold sweat, crying their name out, wishing they were really there. If B doesn't wake up, it'll just prove to me that there isn't a person who can avoid death. I know that sounds absurd, but I've heard stories about people cheating death.

I don't live my life in fear of my own death, I can accept that I'll die one day. But I just can't understand the death of others. And I hate it.

Especially when a teenager dies.


My dream last night fucked me up. I need to go see her in the hospital before its too late. But im just too scared. Hospitals frighten me to the 37484738 degree. Death lingers, and threatens me in hospitals, its a terrifying experience.

12:35pm: djks
something inside of me has died.


I don't know what it is, but I intend to find out. I don't like feeling only half alive.


I don't know if I am depressed. I feel like shit 95% of the time. I feel like every girl is prettier than me, I feel like I have nothing, I feel like if I died only 3 people would care. I hate it. Why am I feeling like this?


I am craving attention from boys and I don't know why. I am in love with Alister, he gives me plenty of attention. But I just want to hear other people call me beautiful for once, I want to go out, and turn heads. I need to do something about this. I need to change something. I want something to happen to me that will just turn me around. I need something.


anything..

3:09pm: Depression
Sucks.




I hate this

10:48am: it's the big time<3
i got the job at la quinta resort.. but...not as a pantry chef, they put me in as a ...


PASTRY CHEF!!


i am official now.




<3




choke on that bailey, for ever doubting me. And I passed the drug test with flying colors. So put that in YOUR pipe and smoke it. I guess my life is going so horribly downhill right?

4:20pm: you
are a bitch. One close minded, ignorant, BITCH.


On all levels. I feel sorry for you that you've turned into what you are. You are so negative in all your thinking and that's why you're always stressed out, and I don't need that in my life.



So thanks for the great memories. Enjoy being ignorant forever more, and please keep on praying for me, God knows I need it.

4:49pm: I am finally on my way...
Tomorrow at 1 pm I have an interview for a pantry chef/cook position at the La Quinta Resort..


Yay! Everything is finally falling into place.. soon I will be working my way up, and I will be a famous chef.


As well as living in San Francisco..


Goodbye desert.. Hello life :]

6:14pm: trust.
is something that doesn't come easy to me..


What's sad is when you can't trust the one you love more than anything in this world..You want too... You try, and try, until your heart wants to give out, but I am giving up.


Words feel empty, just like how I feel everyday.

10:02pm: dumb
all of it, is dumb.

5:32pm: San Francisco,
you couldn't be any further away.



I need to be there now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now.

1:31pm: before you want to critize me or judge me again, read this.
MARIJUANA MYTHS

Myth: Today's marijuana is more potent and more harmful than it was many years ago.
Fact: There is no medical evidence that shows high-potency marijuana is more harmful than low-potency marijuana. Marijuana is literally one of the least toxic substances known. High-potency marijuana is actually preferable because less is of it consumed to obtain the desired effect; thereby reducing the amount of smoke that enters the lungs and lowering the risk of any respiratory health hazards. Claiming that high-potency marijuana is more harmful than low-potency marijuana is like claiming wine is more harmful than beer.

Myth: Smoking marijuana can cause cancer and serious lung damage.
Fact: There chance of contracting cancer from smoking marijuana is minuscule. Tobacco smokers typically smoke 20+ cigarettes every day for decades, but virtually nobody smokes marijuana in the quantity and frequency required to cause cancer. A 1997 UCLA study (see page 9) concluded that even prolonged and heavy marijuana smoking causes no serious lung damage. Cancer risks from common foods (meat, salt, dairy products) far exceed any cancer risk posed by smoking marijuana. Respiratory health hazards and cancer risks can be totally eliminated by ingesting marijuana in baked foods.

Myth: Marijuana contains over 400 chemicals, thus proving that marijuana is dangerous.
Fact: Coffee contains 1,500 chemicals. Rat poison contains only 30 chemicals. Many vegetables contain cancer-causing chemicals. There is no correlation between the number of chemicals a substance contains and its toxicity. Prohibitionists often cite this misleading statistic to make marijuana appear dangerous.

Myth: Marijuana is a gateway drug--it leads to harder drugs.
Fact: The U.S. government's own statistics show that over 75 percent of all Americans who use marijuana never use harder drugs. The gateway-drug theory is derived by using blatantly-flawed logic. Using such blatantly-flawed logic, alcohol should be considered the gateway drug because most cocaine and heroin addicts began their drug use with beer or wine--not marijuana.

Myth: Marijuana is addicting.
Fact: Marijuana is not physically addicting. Medical studies rank marijuana as less habit forming than caffeine. The legal drugs of tobacco (nicotine) and alcohol can be as addicting as heroin or cocaine, but marijuana is one of the least habit forming substances known.

Myth: Marijuana use impairs learning ability.
Fact: A 1996 U.S. government study claims that heavy marijuana use may impair learning ability. The key words are heavy use and may. This claim is based on studying people who use marijuana daily--a sample that represents less than 1 percent of all marijuana users. This study concluded: 1) Learning impairments cited were subtle, minimal, and may be temporary. In other words, there is little evidence that such learning impairments even exist. 2) Long-term memory was not affected by heavy marijuana use. 3) Casual marijuana users showed no signs of impaired learning. 4) Heavy alcohol use was cited as being more detrimental to the thought and learning process than heavy marijuana use.

Myth: Marijuana is a significant cause of emergency room admissions.
Fact: The U.S. government reports that marijuana-related emergency room episodes are increasing. The government counts an emergency room admission as a marijuana-related episode if the word marijuana appears anywhere in the medical record. If a patient tests positive for marijuana because he/she used marijuana several days before the incident occurred, if a drunk driver admits he/she also smoked some marijuana, or if anyone involved in the incident merely possessed marijuana, the government counts the emergency room admission as a "marijuana-related episode." Less than 0.2% of all emergency room admissions are "marijuana related." This so-called marijuana-causes-emergencies statistic was carefully crafted by the government to make marijuana appear dangerous.




NOW WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?

10:43pm: 9-24-08
there are really no words to sum up how I feel today.



Maybe 4 people understand how I feel. And how on this day last year my life changed.


Alister, Nay, Bryce, and Daniel.



Don't say you understand, don't say you're sorry. But when you say I've changed, look at my life, and what I've gone through, and you tell me if you had gone through half of what I've dealt with that you'd be the same person.


Tabitha, thank you for changing me for the better.

12:06pm: Sarah Palin
is a joke, and should not mix religion with politics.




duh.

2:03pm: I wish
I could be back in Washington with Katelyn.. well actually she's in Australia, and I'd love to be there too...



5 more months, then I'll be in my studio in San Francisco with Alister, moving on with my life.



My god, I can't wait.

12:18am: tripper mcflannigan
is the love of my life.

12:29am: OMG
i'll be in washington with katelyn for a week.






i'm too fucking excited.










nocturnal wonderland, i wish you were right around the corner!
countdown to sept. 13th starting now.

11:45pm: best quote ever
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

12:02pm: Disneyland;
was BEAUTIFUL!




<3

2:06pm: love
is such an euphoric feeling.


Right now, I feel alive. I feel.






<3